Friday, April 17, 2020

Decisions... Decisions... Decisions...

Reading a book and playing a musical instrument have something in common. They both are tasks with an active loop. Whats a task with an active loop? In both activities you are engaged in the activity in a deep level. You are deciding what is on the page, or what is on the memorized paged, producing that in your mind, and then analyzing it as you go, and then starting the whole thing over and over again as you move through new input. You are not over analyzing you are taking it in and letting it sweep over you, and you are always making a decision about what it is you are experiencing.

Now some would argue that claiming you are making constant decisions, even if they don't appear overly analytical, is not music making and is not really reading. The reason being both of these tasks ultimately require you to chunk so much information, see the big picture, take in lots at once. If you are constantly focused on the little details then how can you see the big picture? Maybe they are right, but we are not talking about major league decisions. We are talking about recognizing what is there, and deciding on any magnitude of scale from very small to very big what it means to us, if anything. I think most of the decisions are just "Yes, this is ____(that)"

Perhaps the answer is somewhere in the middle and we are doing both of these things at once, making lots of small decisions some significant some not, and taking a look at the big picture. I don't believe true physical multitasking is a real thing but I believe mental multitasking on this level, internal and belonging to one person's singular activity, is. I also believe though that people who are doing both well, reading and playing a musical instrument, are constantly making decisions. Why do I know this? How do I know this? It has to do with something, some things, I have written before. The idea of playing "away" from the cello about not playing "into" the cello.

I noticed the other day while I was reading with my son that I was reading and having the same kinds of sensations in my body as I do when I am playing. It's as if I was reading and simultaneously waiting for someone to tell me what I am reading. Wouldn't that make everything easier, just have someone tell you what to do while you are doing it? Then you would get to do the activity and reap the joy of it but the burden of decision would fall on someone else. Of course... why is the decision a burden to begin with? Isn't it fun to decide these things? What is joyous about it to begin with if you are so uninvolved in the process of getting there?

I have never thought of myself as that kind of person actually, someone that just wants to be told what to do. So what is it then? Is it that I am afraid to make the decision? Feel inept? Feeling lacking in knowledge or skill level sufficient to make the decision? There is also the closeness when making a decision. You have to be present, you have to be in that place and committed to what you are attempting to focus on, in order to make a hard decision. Maybe that's difficult. Here is a theory for us all, that when we are doing this well, moving happily along, making decisions, all the little ones, then we are ______. Yes, I think that is it, and really narrows it down. It's _____.  The answer has to be _____ because people describe the feeling in so many ways.
  • Centered
  • Present
  • Balanced
  • Hanging (cello stuff, although I have heard violinists refer to this sensation also)
  • Relaxed
  • Weighted
  • Committed
  • Focusing the Sound
  • Into the ___ (my personal favorite, can't see to find a better one for me, just fits)
And this last one really bring me home on this idea. This word fits me, "into", I get it, I understand it, its how I wrap my head around the bad habits I have at the cello. 

What works for you? How do you understand what you do when you are understanding it well? When you are really noticing everything you are doing and able to see your playing objectively, what word(s) fit? This is important, that you know what works for you, that you learn to accept your own vocabulary.

Why? If you don't accept your own understanding then you are liable to be in the limbo mode waiting for someone else's. It may never come, in fact it rarely does. You have an understanding, you know something is off. You know you are not balanced, or centered or hanging correctly in all the right ways and places etc etc. You are not weighted and committed. Choose which ever you like, but you know. Have you decided to do something about it? Have you decided that your own understanding means something? It's the first and most important decision of all. You can't decide about whats on the page whether reading, playing a musical instrument or otherwise, until you've made this first very important decision. You can't decide the arc of the line, the nuance in the story, the progression of whatever art discipline you are in, until you decide that however you decide things, is ok.

Happy Deciding and Happy Practicing
Clay

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